Some guys just don't understand why they suddenly become best friends with the women they are desperately, clumsily trying to seduce.
Well, it's simple. You acted like a civilized human being, the perfect predictable gentleman. You wanted to be close to her, but you didn't know exactly what to do, so you just orbited around. Since you're a nice person and wanted to please her, you were nice to her, why not? She knew she had nothing to fear from you, that you'd never stick your hand anywhere you shouldn't. You were friendly, but never manly. Soon, she was feeling relaxed and comfortable in your presence. Behind your back, she was enthusiastically describing you to her girlfriends as nice, respecting, dependable, and helpful - have I forgotten any other emasculating adjectives? Before you know it, she laughs at one of your jokes, puts her hand on your thigh in a surprising asexual way and coos: "awww, you're my best friend ever!" Game over, pal.
Seduction requires sexual tension and sexual tension always generates some measure of discomfort. If someone's too comfortable, the other is definitely doing something wrong. Ideally, both should be wildly second-guessing each other, hearts pumping, minds racing: do I look good? Does he really like me? Do I really like him? Should I sit closer? Will he try something if I do? Do I want him to try something? Oh my God, I haven't shaved my legs, I should have shaved my legs! Was he staring at my breasts? Should I accept the foot rub? It's only a foot rub, but foot rubs always lead to other things. Do I want it to lead to other things? He is cute, but… I wonder if he's noticed my zit. Well, what if he did? I don't even know him, why should I care? But sometimes it feels like we've known each other for years!, etc etc. And yet, somehow, our species goes on.
Comfort is inimical to seduction. It doesn't mean anyone should abuse, harass, manhandle or do anything not strictly consensual, of course. But it means that, if you're trying to seduce someone of either sex, you can never allow him/her to feel too comfortable around you. If you don't want to be friended, don't act like a friend.
Well, it's simple. You acted like a civilized human being, the perfect predictable gentleman. You wanted to be close to her, but you didn't know exactly what to do, so you just orbited around. Since you're a nice person and wanted to please her, you were nice to her, why not? She knew she had nothing to fear from you, that you'd never stick your hand anywhere you shouldn't. You were friendly, but never manly. Soon, she was feeling relaxed and comfortable in your presence. Behind your back, she was enthusiastically describing you to her girlfriends as nice, respecting, dependable, and helpful - have I forgotten any other emasculating adjectives? Before you know it, she laughs at one of your jokes, puts her hand on your thigh in a surprising asexual way and coos: "awww, you're my best friend ever!" Game over, pal.
Seduction requires sexual tension and sexual tension always generates some measure of discomfort. If someone's too comfortable, the other is definitely doing something wrong. Ideally, both should be wildly second-guessing each other, hearts pumping, minds racing: do I look good? Does he really like me? Do I really like him? Should I sit closer? Will he try something if I do? Do I want him to try something? Oh my God, I haven't shaved my legs, I should have shaved my legs! Was he staring at my breasts? Should I accept the foot rub? It's only a foot rub, but foot rubs always lead to other things. Do I want it to lead to other things? He is cute, but… I wonder if he's noticed my zit. Well, what if he did? I don't even know him, why should I care? But sometimes it feels like we've known each other for years!, etc etc. And yet, somehow, our species goes on.
Comfort is inimical to seduction. It doesn't mean anyone should abuse, harass, manhandle or do anything not strictly consensual, of course. But it means that, if you're trying to seduce someone of either sex, you can never allow him/her to feel too comfortable around you. If you don't want to be friended, don't act like a friend.
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